The Collective Linkup

 

Happy Monday Yall!

 

We had a very laid back weekend and instead of a long boring post, I've linked up with some awesome bloggers!

 

It's basically a link up to meet amazing new friends and although my blog design isn't the best,

damn that Hubby Jack (kidding! I love him), and I'm not super funny or organized,
 I really hope to meet new people!

 

NO!

First of all, I should win an award for World's Worst Blogger. I promise I've been reading religiously, I just haven't been in the mood to post anything lately. Sorry loves, I'll do better! Pinky promise.

Now for what's really on mind - the word "NO!" OH.EM.GEE. I am so completely sick of hearing this word. Let me give you a little backstory so you understand:

Don and I have bad credit. His ex-wife cracked up everything they had years ago and student loans are kicking my ass. We own two rollbacks (tow trucks) a car, and a f150. The  rollbacks are not suitable for driving dirtroads or to Lowes, neither is my car. The f150 needs ball joints, new motor, and new tires. So what does Don do? He spends countless hours on the internet looking for trucks, he let it consume him yall. He finds one the next town north of us and he lets them run his credit as a joke and we don't hear anything for over a week. We didn't expect to.  But they called Saturday morning at 8:00 am, and said they got it approved.

WTF? WHO'S DUMB ENOUGH TO FINANCE US??? Wells Fargo, that's who. Poor bastards...just kidding. Kinda.

The only problem is coming up with a $2000.00 down payment. With the cash in his pocket and at the bank, he only had $1500. I gave him the other $500. It left me broke. And he was gonna do some bulldozer repair and give the money to me so I wouldn't be broke.

Everything worked out right? Nope.

When I asked him to get me a key made, he only asked why and gave me the code for the door. I can only assume he doesn't want me to have a key.

When I asked him if I could drive it to work, he asked why. He doesn't trust me? He doesn't want to share?

I can't figure it the fuck out. And I'm gonna look like a big fat jerk if I bring it up to him to talk about, like I'm being selfish. Yall Im really happy for him. He bust his ass everyday for me and he deserves to have a nice truck if that's what he wants. I just don't understand why I'm being excluded. He hasn't really said no about the truck, he just ask why to throw me off, change the subject, to avoid saying what he really wants to say. I've never told him no and I don't resent him for giving him the money. I'd give him any and everything I had if he wanted it or need it. I just want the same consideration.

Yesterday, I told him I need shopping money. He had the balls to ask me what for?! Um, maybe because I've been telling you about all these projects I want to get the ball rolling on and I gave you ALL MY DAMN MONEY!  When I got home from work, he was all like I'm outta beer, let's go to the store and then you can drive while I drink. (The only time he lets me drive that stupid truck is when he is with me and it benefits him) He goes into the store and comes out with beer and lottery tickets. SERIOUSLY?! I'm sittin here broke and telling you I need shopping money, you brush it off and are buying beer and lottery tickets???

I also asked him yesterday if we were gonna have a pool put in this year. Guess what the answer was. Just guess! No. Of course it was no. I didnt even get a reason. Maybe it's because he's selling a rollback or maybe because he we have a truck payment now.

He won't let me bring a cat home either. There's a really pretty grown male cat at the store. He's sweet and well fed, or was. I have been stopping EVERY morning and EVERY afternoon after work to feed it and love on it. It breaks my heart every single time I have to leave it. And if one day I decided I want to take him home, I'd like to be able to without Don loosing his shit. He tolerates the 2 I have now. But I would save EVERY SINGLE ONE if I could.

No key. No driving with out me. No pool. No cat. It's like what I want doesn't even matter, my wants are even considered. It doesn't matter how big or little, it's the principal. I want to feel equal and important. I've never told him no. I've always tried to patient and understanding and supportive of everything he comes up with. I just want the same respect.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Yep, I just sang that. Don't judge me. And if you're still here, thanks for hanging in there while I ranted and raved like a crazy person.

Have a happy Friday yall!

Weigh In Wednesday

 

Happy Wednesday Girls!

 

It's been a rough week, not even gonna lie.

 

 

Friday night, I was really emotional and overly sensitive about always being at home and never doing anything. I picked a fight. It wasn't a bad fight, but more like "Hey, look at me! I want attention!" fight. It worked though, that "sometimes I'm a selfish douchebag and sometimes I'm wonderful" man of mine spent the next day shopping with me. Hardcore shopping too - T.J. MAXX, Target, Hobby Lobby and took me to a japanese steakhouse for lunch. I HEART FRIED RICE!

 

Sunday, Don was outside when I came flying down the muddy dirtroad in my pretty little silver car, radio blarin, mud flying, slippin and slidin. When I pulled in the yard, he got own to me like I was a little kid. My rationale was "I'm right down the road from the house, we own a tow truck. No big deal if I slide off in the ditch." Obviously we were not on the same page. He was so calm and patient about it but he was like "Are you crazy? Honey, that's not your truck, and you can't give that car hell. You're still paying for it!" And then it happened. I cried. WTF? I cried over that. I miss my truck yall. My pretty black ford f150, jacked up with mud tires and a brush guard and a pink salt life sticker on the back glass.

 

Later that day, I shrank my favorite aqua tank top and gray cardigan. Oh man, that was the softest thing I've ever put on! But then I realized that all is not lost, I'm losing weight and I'll be able to wear it again soon!

 

On the same day, I started the "kitchen part" of supper and went to sit on the front porch with Don while he grilled his famous ribs! I scorched the baked beans and ruined one of my new TFAL pans that the potatoes and eggs were boiling in. I make a mean 'tater salad but not that night. That night they had ribs and cookies.

 

See??? Rough! It would have been so easy to drown my sorrows in bacon and milk shakes and peanut m&ms! But somehow, I kept my shit together enough to not eat everything I saw because I was sad, upset, pissed off, heartbroken or bored.

 

I haven't got the exercise part down pat yet, but I did try to make healthy choices when I was eating and I was more mindful of how much I was eating and that helped alot with eating less.

 

 

All in all, this week was a success!

 

 This week!

 

Last week!

 

 

That's a loss of 4.8lbs yall!

 

Whether you worked out more, or ate less, or ate better, or whatever your goal for this week was, I hope everybody had a successful week! I know if I can do this, anyone can. If you need some support, or accountability, or just a friend, come see me (at the blog of course) or email me. I'll be whatever you need on this journey. Lord knows, I need somebody every now and then to give me that extra push!

 

 

 

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Tuesday Topics

Yayyy! Another linkup! Who doesn't love a good bucket list?

 

 

Here's part of mine!

 

Number One

 

Number Two

 

Number Three

 

 

Number Four

 

 

Number Five

 

 

Number Six

 

 

Number Seven

 

 

Number Eight

 

 

Number Nine

 

 

Number Ten

 

 

What's on yall's bucket list???

 

Finish the Sentence Linkup

 

 

Holly's super cute and Jake's super funny. Check them out and show them some love!

 

1.If calories didn't count, I would eat..

bacon, and shoestring fries dipped in a vanilla milkshake. for every meal.

 

2.On my Prom night....

my date left me there because I danced with someone who wasn’t him, and ate at krystals afterwards.

 

3.When I go to the store, I always buy...

mountain dew

 

4.Family functions typically...

one aunt gets tipsy and retells the same stories over and over. My grandma don’t do bullshit so she get's pretty gansta when the younger cousins start running in and out and fighting.

 

 

5. I think my blog readers...

are awesome for all of their support in my weight loss journey.

 

6. I'd much rather be...

at the lake swimming, fishing, tubing, grilling, tanning and laughing.

 

7. I have an obsession with...

the color aqua and soft sheets

 

8. My work friends...

are clique-y. Not cool.

 

9. When I created my Facebook account....

I was so nonchalant.I was still had my friends rated by importance on myspace.

 

10. My least favorite word is...

cunt. It’s just disturbing.

 

11. I really don't remember....

ANYTHING if I’m distracted when I hear, see or do it.

 

12. Justin Bieber....

is on my shit list.

Me time, or lack thereof.

I'm absolutely in awe at all the support and encouragement I got from my blog post today. It's weird and amazing at the same time to know there are so many people out there who are struggling themselves but are willing to reach out and support my struggle! I thank each of you from the bottom of my big ol heart and I look forward to getting to know yall and making some great friends! All that love just put me in a GREAT mood!

...and it lasted until I got to Walmart with four kids, three of ours and a boyfriend. If yall woulda seen us, you would have sworn that none of them had ever been to Walmart. They weren't really bein bad, like screaming or throwing tantrums but these kids have the worst case of ADHD EVER! Everything they saw was the coolest thing ever and HAD to have it! All I needed was some chalk for my new chalk board labels and a foam brush and something for supper.

At that point, I decided to let Alexis and Jared spend the night at their Granny's and if I hurried, I could make it to Albany! Albany has a Target, a mall, a Hobby Lobby and a Michaels. It's an hour away and I have several little projects I want to finish. Just because I can't go buy pretty clothes cause my fat ass won't fit in them, doesn't mean I can't make pretty things.Anyway I've been DYING to go and I don't want to go tomorrow - it's the only full day I have and I don't want to spend it shopping, especially since it takes an hour to get there and an hour to get home. And Sunday, Hobby Lobby is closed.

If I went to Albnay, AJ and her boyfriend would have to go. So I asked her if she wanted to go and she said "No!" Womp, womp, womp! My heart sank. There was no way I was dragging two miserable teenagers around. I've been so busy with moving and being domesticated that I haven't had any me time or any time to do any thing I want to do. And apparently I wasn't going to tonight either.

It changed my whole mood. Why is everyone so insensitive? I do everything for everyone. When's it my turn? I know the kids don't know any better but Don? I love that man more than life and I do everything I can to make his life easier. Why in the hell doesn't he get that I need to do something that doens't involve coding and billing colonoscopies, meal planning, and buying toilet paper? I mean seriously??? I can't remember the last time I did anything fun by myself or as a couple with Don. I'm tired of sitting at home and watching football/nascar/passtime/storage wars etc. but every time I ask him about doing something, he's tired or he's gotta be up early the next day or he just doesn't want to.

So I'm sitting here on the couch, not eating spaghetti o's, and watching some lame ass movie with Kirstie Alley and Tim Allen, with no craft supplies. I don't even drink but there's a liquor store down the road and it's reaaallly tempting yall. If I knew I wouldn't feel like shit tomorrow, I'd be there in a heart beat and then I'd spend the rest of the night in the bathtub with the jets on.

I'm sorry to be such a Sensitive Suzy but the way it all unfolded got me thinking and I wasn't real fond of the conclusion.

Fat to Fit Fridays

I'm a new follower to all three of these amazing women! Lori shared her touching story over at Mama Laughlin's yesterday and it took a lot of courage. She overcame her struggle and she looks amazing! When Hubby Jack advertised this link up, I knew it was exactly what I needed so I headed on over to check them out and found some awesome new ladies and blogs to stalk follow!

Motivation?

Yep, I need that!

Accoutability?

Need that too!

I posted yesterday about starting my weight loss journey for last and final time. Besides feeling bad that my oh-so-sexy fiance got stuck with this, I didn't add any other reasons that I wanted to lose the weight. It's not just for him, it's for me and it's for us. I was happier 40 lbs ago. I was in love with my life. I need to be there again.

My Motivation:

1. To love what I see when I look in the mirror.

2. To take all the cute engagement pictures.

3. To look gorgeous is my wedding dress.

4. To not be frustrated and heartbroken when I go shopping and nothing fits.

5. To want to go out on the weekends and not stay hidden in my house.

6. To be in love with myself and my life again.

7. This dress

Source

I found it on pinterest and bought it even though it doesn't fit. It was gorgeous!

8. To have more energy

9. To be healthier

10. To be a better wife to my husband

There is a shit ton of reasons but these are the most important. I'm so glad that there are so many amazing women and success stories here in blog land. It's not gonna be easy but now I know it's possible.